Oct 10th 2011

Meeting Gazza

Growing up I wanted to be a footballer. More specifically play for Arsenal. One of the best memories of my childhood is Arsenal winning the league in the last few minutes of the final game of the season in 1989. One of my worst was the free kick scored at Wembley in the 1991 semi final FA cup game against Arsenal by the Tottenham midfielder and probably at the time one of the worlds best footballers Paul Gascoigne, or as he was known by most, Gazza. I never would have thought that 20 years later, I would meet him.

His journey in those 20 years has been more eventful and fascinating than anyone could have predicted, he broke his leg in the subsequent cup final, got sold to an Italian club for a record fee, sold to a Scottish club for a record fee, got death threats, got married, got accused of wife beating, scored in the European championships against the Scots, got divorced, had a nervous breakdown, had a car crash, had his heart stop twice, tried to save the life of an assassin friend of his and then he came back from the brink. My life, like many, seems quite boring in comparison. But I've always found him fascinating, and even though he broke my heart all those years ago, he has been my idol. He has an every man quality. He is a man of the people. Despite being a multi millionaire he was still one of us. In comparison to all the bland and boring footballers of today, whose post match analysis is banal and predictable, Gazza's was enjoyable and unexpected. He was the last of the footballing entertainers and I think that's why I loved him so much. In the humourless world of football he was a shining light, I would watch and wait until he would do something silly like lift up the ball boy, sniff a refs armpit, gurn at the camera or hold a card up to the ref.

The night I met Gazza I was doing warm up for The Piers Morgan Show, the first time I've worked on the show. I've done warm up before for a variety of shows, but never this one, so I was a little bit nervous. I was apprehensive as it wasn't a comedy show, the audience are there to watch a TV star bear all, not hear jokes from an unknown comic.

I received the paper work and was surprised to see there were 3 changing rooms allocated, Piers Morgan, Paul Gascoigne and Joe Bor. This was pretty cool, seeing my name next to Gazza's.

As the audience started to arrive I walked around. I could hear some of the audience go "who's he?" "Is he famous?" "I don't think so".

Then I went outside to kill some time and to play scrabble on my phone, I looked up and saw a group of people laughing, a few skinheads in suits and brassy women, they were surrounding a frail looking bloke who I recognized. It was Gazza. I pretended that I hadn't noticed. But it wasn't very convincing. I tried to focus on the scrabble as my hero walked into the studio surrounded by his entourage.

I was given the green light to go on. And I warmed up the crowd. The audience was around 300, half the size of The Graham Norton show audience, who I regularly warm up. They were a bit more chilled out. But they laughed in the right places and I introduced Piers Morgan.

I sat and watched with the floor managers.

There was slightly more stopping and starting than on The Graham Norton Show. Audiences always seem surprised when it doesn't appear exactly as it does on TV. I think that going to a television recording can be both a magical and disappointing experience.

Then Gazza came out, even though he appeared frail and nervous, I was in awe. He seemed to relax more and more and play up to the crowd, playfully trying to sit in Piers Morgan's seat at one point.

As he pointed out, Piers is a big Arsenal fan, as I'm aware. I follow him on twitter and witness his verbal scraps with footballers Joey Barton and Rio Ferdinand which make for pleasant time fillers. Despite being an Arsenal fan, he seemed similarly in awe of Gazza, proclaiming him to be the best footballer of his generation. It seems that Gazza shares this view.

The interview was probably one of the most fascinating I'd seen. He's led a great and tragic life and seems to be in recovery. He showed glimpses of the wonderful performer that he was, telling a joke which made me laugh out loud. One in particular about injuring his neck and not looking back since was great.

When the interview was over, he left to a standing ovation. It made my body shiver. It was a lovely moment.

As he left we still had to do some pick up shots and I had to sit in for my idol as Piers directed questions at me. It was surreal. I was sitting opposite Piers Morgan, playing the part of Gazza. I smiled as Piers hit me with "so what was it like having lunch with the Pope?", "what was it like playing in the world cup?" and even "what's it like being labeled a wife beater?" I giggled my way through it and Piers thanked me and invited the audience to give me a round of applause, which was lovely. A lot of people think he's a dick, but he seemed nice to me.

The green room was full of the usual people, production guests, friends of Gazza, and ITV staff. Piers Morgan was there, the only one talking, I hovered, like everyone else did, waiting for a glimpse of Gazza. Linda Lusardi was there, a page 3 model from the 1980's and early 1990's. It was strange seeing her, probably one of the first women I'd seen naked, all be it in print form. I wasn't gonna open with that: "Hi Linda, you were the first woman I saw naked, could I have a picture?"

I chatted to some people who I'd spoken to during my warm up, they were also very excited about seeing Gazza. They were big Tottenham fans, we joked about how bad Arsenal's season was and then suddenly the room erupted into a round of applause, I looked up and there he was. All eyes turned.

Gazza shuffled in. Linda Lusardi immediately embraced him, as did the rest of his entourage. Me and the Tottenham fans looked at each other in excitement.

All I could think was how can I talk to him without getting sacked. I was also booked to do warm up the next day for what seemed to me to be a rather less impressive show in which Piers would be talking to James Cordon. I wasn't overly excited about that show. But I didn't want to get the sack. I looked up and the Tottenham fans had already gone up to him, as a group they giggled their way through the hello's and hurried off. I sidled up, picking up different crudités on my way, I had about ten in my hand. He was chatting to Linda Lusardi when I went for it. I put my crudités in one hand and stretched another out.
"Gazza!"
He looked up worried.
"I, um, I just wanted to say 'hi', I'm the warm up guy, I'm a comedian, you're my idol."
He shook my hand.
I was intimidated, but he seemed warm and friendly and approachable.
The first thing I noticed was that I was taller than him.
"I loved your jokes," I said, "you should be a comedian."
Then I did what I hate being done to me, I retold his joke, and badly.
"I love the one where you turn your back and your neck and…" Thankfully he finished it off.
There was a bit of an awkward silence and then I realized that we had been left alone, just him and me.
I looked around. It was just me and Gazza.
Then something weird happened, he started to confide in me.
He told me he was nervous doing the show, and I looked at him and his head was shaking. He seemed frail and old. A lot older than he was.
I tried to make him feel better
"I get nervous too with smaller crowds, you did great, then I realized I was doing great, I was being Gazza's mate.
Everyone was looking over.
I realized what I was doing was ridiculous, trying to empathize with Gazza, a man who has played in the world cup, to stadiums of 100,000 people, regularly on the front page of the papers and I'm the warm up guy. But for that moment I didn't feel like the warm up guy I felt like his equal, and I suppose that was why he is so loved by the public, despite all the accusations and his faults, he is a regular working class guy who never wanted to be famous, he just wanted to play football.
A few of his entourage then dragged him away. I looked up and saw the Tottenham fans in awe, in awe of my moment with Gazza.
I came back to work the next day.